Durango the Deranged Dingo pres. Survivor Pearl Island

Tell me it isn't true. Tell me I'm in the throws of massive drinking binge, hallucinating my ass off.

Rupert's sweet nature finally got the best of him and our fair prince has left the island forever.

So it seems it's Burton, Jon, Darrah, Tijuana, and Lil... The Alliance of the Annoying. I'm going to have to send the howler monkeys out on a rum run if they expect me to get through the next couple weeks. I am NOT doing this sober!


	CHRISTA - Well, sweetie, your days are numbered. You're only hope is to get that girl gang that you always wanted. Sweet talk Darrah and Lil. Woo them into your web. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE GET RID OF JON!
	JON - Little worm! So it looks like we're going to have to put up with Johhny Stupidplay for awhile longer. Someone pass the bong.
	RUPERT - This Dingo weeps. DAMN YOU AND YOUR WEAK DISPOSITION, LIL!!! YOU TRAITOR!!!! Well, at least we got a glimpse up that skirt before he left. The mystery is solved - Rupe-Dog is definitely going commando under there! NICE JUNK! They had to use a MIGHTY big blur to cover that up!
	SANDRA - Our little spy. I'm glad you caught on to Burton and Jon's dastardly plan, but it was a little too little too late, wasn't it? Let's try to pick up the pace a little in the future, 'kay?
	CYBORG BURTON - EVIL!! EVIL I TELL YOU!!!! EVIL!!!!!
	DARRAH - OH GOD. Now that she's part of the Alliance of Annoyance, are we going to have to listen to her talk? Lord help us all.
	CYBORG LIL - Does that woman even have shoulders? Quit yer cryin', you mealy mouthed ninny! Well at least her days as a pawn are over. She's expendable now. SOON!!!!! SOOON!! FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, PLEASE LET HER GO SOON!!!!
	TIJUANA - Okay, if she sticks with Darrah, and Sandra sticks with Christa, and Burton sticks with Jon, we could have a nice little three way race with Lil as the pawn once again... Hmmm... this could get interesting...

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 4: BURTON Good thing I got to him before he got any harrier. As it is, I had to pick at least a hundred split ends from my choppers! Some nice meat though... tender and well fed. Didn't even need that rum chaser, but I took advantage of it anyway.	WEEK 1: NICOLE A bit bitter. Definitely grisly. Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy. But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!! (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
Week 5: MICHELLE I'm the first to admit, this was an unexpected meal, but not too bad. Unfortunately, she still had all those fish guts in her stomach, so I had to steer clear of that particular area... but all in all, a very average meal.	WEEK 2: RYAN THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY! If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on. As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.
WEEK 6: TRISH An okay interim meal. Not too fatty... not too lean. Very bitter though, and quite flavorless. Luckily her belly was still full of the surf and turf, so there was SOME sustenance there.	WEEK 3: LIL NO MORE SCOUT TALK! WOO HOO!!! She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes. Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.
WEEK 7: SHAWN OOOH! A DOUBLE DOWN! Let me tell you, I feasted tonight! Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger. Both meats were nice and supple. We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit. It was a night to be seen... (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)	WEEK 7: OSTEN OOOH! A DOUBLE DOWN! Let me tell you, I feasted tonight! Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger. Both meats were nice and supple. We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit. It was a night to be seen... (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)
	Week 8: ANDREW They called him "Savage." Well, all I can say is I SAVAGELY tore into that luscious flesh! Though he was merely half the man as when he started, there was still enough fit, trim meat in there to service a small romantic BBQ. (Probst came over for a few drinks last night...)
	Week 9: RYAN O I'm not even going to dignify this experience by calling it a "meal." Ryan's scrawny little ass (and by "little" I mean LITTLE) barely passes as a mid-day snack. Luckily, I did have the rum back-up. Does that count as a bread or a vegetable?

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
He IS going to Richard Hatch his way to the end. I hate him.	Either her or Sandra. It's a crap shoot at this point and Christa's WAY more annoying.