TONIGHT'S MENU CHRISTA Very little meat on this one.  And what was there lacked any sort of strong character.  I suggest marinating in a lime and rum wash, then drinking the wash while you try to pick the bits of sinew from your teeth.

WEEK 12 - IT'S ALL OVER BUT THE WAITING

Now entering the horse latitudes of Survivordom, please try to keep your eyes open the next couple of weeks.  It's inevitable really... Each season we come to this spot where the show becomes predictable.  May I suggest snuggling up with a warm bottle of rum and taking it like a man.

THE DINGO DEDUCES

	CHRISTA -  One mouth breather out of the way... one to go.  Can't say I'm gonna miss little miss trophy wife one bit!
	JON - Don't go pickin' on Lil now, Johnnyboy.  You're doing okay for the moment, but she's a little Chihuahua that's just waiting to snap!  At least he wasn't OVERLY annoying this week.
	SANDRA - GIRL!  DID YOU LEAVE YOUR BRAINS ON THE BOAT WHEN YOU JUMPED OFF???  You shouldn't have fallen for Johnny Stupidplay's line last week and this week you barely tried to change a vote.  You're toast.  You know it.  I know it.  The whole freakin' planet knows it.  Enjoy the fish.  Your torch will be snuffed next tribal council.
	CYBORG BURTON - I can't believe you blew that immunity challenge.  What kind of cyborg are you, anyway?  Well you've successfully kicked off each and every intelligent female in the bunch.  It seems to be down to you and Jon-Jon in the final two.  Unless, of course, Sandra gets that estrogen flowing in a last ditch effort to save her butt.
	DARRAH - As long as she can keep her mouth shut and her shirt off, I'll be one happy dingo.
	CYBORG LIL - Honestly, I think I've seen enough of Lil's underwear.  Those paper-thin granny panties is a tad too much for my delicate pallet.  And what's this crap that no one wants to go up against her at the end... Nobody REALLY likes her... they just don't want to see her cry - AGAIN!

THE BUFFET

WEEK 4:  BURTON Good thing I got to him before he got any harrier.  As it is, I had to pick at least a hundred split ends from my choppers!  Some nice meat though... tender and well fed.  Didn't even need that rum chaser, but I took advantage of it anyway.	WEEK 1:  NICOLE  A bit bitter.  Definitely grisly.  Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy.  But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!!  (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
Week 5: MICHELLE I'm the first to admit, this was an unexpected meal, but not too bad.  Unfortunately, she still had all those fish guts in her stomach, so I had to steer clear of that particular area... but all in all, a very average meal.	WEEK 2: RYAN THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY!  If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on.  As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.
WEEK 6:  TRISH An okay interim meal.  Not too fatty... not too lean.  Very bitter though, and quite flavorless.  Luckily her belly was still full of the surf and turf, so there was SOME sustenance there.	WEEK 3: LIL NO MORE SCOUT TALK!  WOO HOO!!!  She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes.  Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.
WEEK 7:  SHAWN OOOH!  A DOUBLE DOWN!  Let me tell you, I feasted tonight!  Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger.  Both meats were nice and supple.  We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit.  It was a night to be seen...  (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)	WEEK 7:  OSTEN OOOH!  A DOUBLE DOWN!  Let me tell you, I feasted tonight!  Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger.  Both meats were nice and supple.  We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit.  It was a night to be seen...  (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)
WEEK 10:  RUPERT  I almost didn't have the heart to take a bite...  But hey!  A dingo's gotta eat!  After a moment of silence for the person who is the true Ultimate Survivor in spirit if not in the flesh, I broke open the biggest bottle of the finest rum for this lovely feast.  As expected, the meat was strong and sweet, perfect in every way.	Week 8:  ANDREW  They called him "Savage."  Well, all I can say is I SAVAGELY tore into that luscious flesh!  Though he was merely half the man as when he started, there was still enough fit, trim meat in there to service a small romantic BBQ. (Probst came over for a few drinks last night...)
	Week 9:  RYAN O I'm not even going to dignify this experience by calling it a "meal." Ryan's scrawny little ass (and by "little" I mean LITTLE) barely passes as a mid-day snack.  Luckily, I did have the rum back-up.  Does that count as a bread or a vegetable?
	Week 11:  TIJUANA As expected, she was sweet as key lime pie.  A darling meal if I do say so myself.  T, we'll miss you, but if it's any consolation, you made one fine welcome wagon for my stomach.

NEXT WEEK:  SAYONARA SANDRA

PAST EPISODES:
The Dingo is Back!
Get to know the Contestants!
Week 1:  Hanging in the Wind
Week 2:  Kissing the Spear
Week 3:  Morgan Who?
Week 4:  Throwing the Poor Morgan a Bone
Week 5:  This Just In - Rupert, a God Among Men
Week 6:  Stupid is as Stupid Does
Week 7:  Holy Reward Challenge, Batman!
Week 8:  The Merge
Week 9:  And Now The Games Begin 
Week 10:  The Day The Music Died
Week 11:  The Dead Grandmother

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work...  Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars.  Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council."  As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond.  That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting.  Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website.  I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers.  Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

Or, you can leave a message at the Dingo's Den interactive message board. 

Don't forget to watch Survivor every Thursday on CBS!

Want to add a link?  Contact the dingo's FILTHY HUMAN ASSISTANT

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page.  There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.