TONIGHT'S MENU RYAN S THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY!  If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on.  As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.

WEEK 2 - KISSING THE SPEAR

So I was all ready to update the page last night, but my filthy human didn't get home until well after I was six sheets to the wind.  While I was waiting, I met a friend who hooked me up with some fine pirate rum.  He swears he's just a traveling stranger, but he seems somewhat familiar to me...

Okay... ONTO THE GAME!!!  Well, they're going to have to come up with a twist pretty darn soon if they don't want this to become one of those one-sided predictable Survivors.  Morgan is by far THE lamest tribe ever to grace the greatness that is Survivor.  Whine whine whine!  Too bad it's not WINE WINE WINE - then they might at least be tolerable, if not terribly dehydrated!

Nice twist with the Reward Challenges.  Now the winning tribe gets to loot one item from the other tribe's camp.  I wonder how Rupert will take it when he eventually loses his spear gun...  Not to mention we got to see even MORE nudity!  I swear, we saw more ass in this show than in the last Democratic Convention!

Well, one wily fan reminded me that I usually announce my pick to win from day one, but since the Dingo has been out of the loop for awhile and my filthy human assistant is less than adept at anticipating my every needs (good help is so hard to find...)

THE DINGO DEDUCES

	BURTON - Can't even drink the milk from the coconut.  City boys!!!  And I do believe Burton could be the new poster boy for Dickies - those Armani pants are just NOT holding up!
	CHRISTA - A smart-aleck with a cute face.  I'm not usually one to go for the trophy wife, but she's got a bit of an attitude on her.  I may be in love.
	JON -  The only time they really showed this guy was in the previews for next week, suggesting he would be the one to go, but as us veteran Survivorphiles know, it's all just a Red Herring.
	MICHELLE - Was she even in this episode?
	RUPERT - Okay, this man has some kind of weird attachment to inanimate objects.   So far this season, he's kissed both a dead fish and his newly recovered spearhead (and no, that is NOT a euphemism)  But you can't help loving the guy.  He's so lovable, yet so scary...
	SANDRA - The poor soul who was sent to plunder the other tribe's island...  But, ya know... it looked like she actually enjoyed it.  I like her more and more each week!
	SHAWN - Lost the damn spear!!  What a dork!  He tried to play it off, but Rupert went out and found it in no time.  He's finally showing his true colors - a pretty boy slacker who expects the little man to do his work for him.  Too bad Rupert isn't so little and is encroaching in on that "leadership" position rather quickly!
	TRISH - Another invisible member this week.  Mark Burnet better pull a nice sized twist out of his butt, or this is going to be yet another one-sided season.

ANDREW - Poor poor Andrew... the only Brain in a tribe full of Pinkies.  Once he makes it to the merger, he's going to have A LOT of work ahead of him.
DARRAH - A bit of a potty mouth!  And one of those who looks better sweaty!  She can stick around for awhile, I don't mind.
LILLIAN - "I would give them an A+ for spirit."  PUH-LEASE!  And I REALLY didn't need to see this broad without her pants on!  Can you say GRANNY PANTIES?!
OSTEN - QUITTER!  Waaaa!  We didn't win!  I want to go home!  There he was at Tribal Council, all packed and ready to go.  I almost pissed on my tail when Probst announced Skinny Ryan's departure.  OSTEN UNDIE WATCH:  Well, they were more tied down this week, but looking even flimsier!  I hope Lillian is working on that g-string!
RYAN O - I wonder if he's afraid that people will write down his name in Tribal Council rather than Skinny Ryan...
RYAN S - How much weight has this guy lost already?!  Self proclaimed "goober" of the Morgan tribe, it seems he just couldn't pull his weight (not that there was much weight to pull)
TIJUANA - Another whiner.  I'm cold!  I'm cold!!!  Well why didn't you buy a blanket in the village, you friggin' idiot!  It even gets cold at night in the desert!

	WEEK 1:  A bit bitter.  Definitely grisly.  Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy.  But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!!  (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)

NEXT WEEK:  DRAKE LOSES IT

PAST EPISODES:
The Dingo is Back!
Get to know the Contestants!
Week 1:  Hanging in the Wind

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work...  Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars.  Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council."  As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond.  That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting.  Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website.  I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers.  Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

Or, you can leave a message at the Dingo's Den interactive message board. 

Don't forget to watch Survivor every Thursday on CBS!

Want to add a link?  Contact the dingo's FILTHY HUMAN ASSISTANT

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page.  There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.