TONIGHT'S MENU LIL NO MORE SCOUT TALK!  WOO HOO!!!  She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes.  Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.

WEEK 3 - MORGAN WHO?

I thought there were supposed to be two tribes in Survivor...  Where the hell is Morgan?!  Honestly, I'm starting to feel bad for those people and I have nary a nice bone in my body... 

The reward challenge was good this time around.  We got to watch the tribes try to sink their opponents' boats.  I'm kinda partial to physical violence.  I half expected Rupert to reach down and just flip the other tribe's dingy.  So far the count is Drake's Challenge Wins: 4   Morgan: ZERO!!!!!

Of course, this IS Survivor, so I think we'll be in for a twist soon...  But if they do that switching tribes thing they tried to pull last season, there will be some real pirate tears on the Drake side...

THE DINGO DEDUCES

	BURTON -  This man is getting hairier and hairier.  He's going to be a damned Sasquatch by the end of the season!
	CHRISTA - Got to pillage the other tribe and also got to show off that cute little brain of hers.  And I saw her cop a feel on Andrew... HMMMM RANDY!  Unfortunately, she is a bit of a mouth breather...
	JON -  Fighting with Sandra about who's a better swimmer.  What a baby!  Just can't be beat by a woman, can he....  And I don't think I've ever seen him without something covering his head.... Can someone say trying to hide the ye 'ole male pattern baldness?
	MICHELLE - Again, absent from this episode...  Well, she did get to sit in the sling at the Immunity challenge, and I must admit, seeing a cute blonde in a sling gave this dingo some dirty thoughts.
	RUPERT - Just about singlehandedly sunk Morgan's boat, then singlehandedly wins immunity.  Then he kisses the skull.  I'm telling you, I'm worried about him.  This lust for inanimate objects just isn't healthy.
	SANDRA - This girl can YELL!  I wouldn't want to be on the other end of a divorce lawyer with this one....  But she's strong.  And she's smart.
	SHAWN - Was useless in this episode, except for the useless treasure hunt.  Do you guys really think you're going to find it this early?  Dollars to donughts Burnett hasn't even buried the damned thing yet!
	TRISH - All about the treasure - typical woman!

ANDREW - Could possibly be the worst leader in the history of Survivor.  But then again, he doesn't have much to lead, does he?
DARRAH - I just noticed how big her teeth are.  And that voice...  And she's LAZY...  If she doesn't walk the plank soon, I'm going to push her off the damn boat!  ENUNCIATE, WOMAN!  ENUNCIATE!
LILLIAN - Guess she didn't pray to the right god, huh?  And she doesn't know anything about fishing - what kind of a scout leader are you?!?!
OSTEN - I gotta admit, he gave it his all tonight, but it's hard to compete with the man-god known as Rupert. OSTEN UNDIE WATCH:  ALMOST lost them during the reward challenge, but his boat sunk too fast before we got to see skin. 1
RYAN O - Wants to be more of a team... isn't that precious.  But he is making a fishing net since Lil lost the last hook.  And you can still drown in those eyes...
TIJUANA - I think she's become the official welcome wagon for the pillagers.

	WEEK 1:  A bit bitter.  Definitely grisly.  Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy.  But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!!  (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
	WEEK 2: THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY!  If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on.  As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.

NEXT WEEK:  DRAKE LOSES IT

PAST EPISODES:
The Dingo is Back!
Get to know the Contestants!
Week 1:  Hanging in the Wind
Week 2:  Kissing the Spear

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work...  Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars.  Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council."  As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond.  That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting.  Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website.  I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers.  Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

Or, you can leave a message at the Dingo's Den interactive message board. 

Don't forget to watch Survivor every Thursday on CBS!

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This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page.  There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.