Durango the Deranged Dingo pres. Survivor Pearl Island

TONIGHT'S MENU

MICHELLE

I'm the first to admit, this was an unexpected meal, but not too bad. Unfortunately, she still had all those fish guts in her stomach, so I had to steer clear of that particular area... but all in all, a very average meal.

So last week, Morgan shows their first, and by that time, ONLY sound judgment and selected Rupert to become a member of their tribe for three days. WOW! What a difference a Rupert makes! Suddenly, they can catch fish! Miraculously, they win the immunity challenge. Drake tried to say it wasn't because Rupert was gone, but I think we all know the real truth. Point of the matter - Rupert is now LOVED by BOTH sides. He's a SHOE IN for the million buckeroos! I wonder if he'd mind a drunken dingo shacking up with him for awhile. I can introduce him to some pretty sexy, not to mention LOOSE, howler monkeys I've come to know...

And we got a mascot!!! Balboa the snake! Rupert's little save from the brutal ocean. All I have to say is he better keep a tight leash on that thing, I may not like snakes very much, but I have NO PROBLEM making a midnight snack out of one!

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Everyone's savior, fish killer, and all around wild and crazy guy. Nobody wants to see this guy go! Not to mention, he's the only one who actually LOOKS like a pirate!	Merger is coming up, and Osten's strength will become more a threat than a help. It's time for him to go because I don't think ANYONE wants to see his THANG blowing in the wind again.


	CHRISTA - TOOK THAT SQUID AND ROCK OYSTER LIKE A MAN!!!! And even got called a freak by Probst!
	JON - Enough with the "Johnny Fairplay" bit... You're starting to look ridiculous (like you weren't already!)
	MICHELLE - Can someone tell me exactly when she became the bad guy? Did I sleep through an episode or something? Sure, she aligned herself with Burton, but so did Shawn. And he's safe cuz he's a turncoat?!?! WHATEVER!!! Okay, okay, she didn't pretend to hate the disgusting challenge.. she's a twit, but we already knew that, didn't we?
	RUPERT - NUTHIN BUT CLASS, this guy! He helped out the other tribe (moving their shelter, catching fish), thereby gaining their trust. He single-handedly wins their immunity challenge, then turns down the chance at a shower to be with his original tribe. And if that's not enough, when they come to pillage, he offers extra rice because he knows their starving. This man is a GENIUS! (and a saint!) LONG LIVE RUPERT!
	SANDRA - That poor girl! Sabotaged by Michelle. Luckily the rest of the tribe has their head screwed on straight and can't fault a girl for not being able to swallow "Jeff's Special."
	SHAWN - You can play the "I hate Burton too" card all you want, we all know you just miss him. You're worse than a band geek on prom night! Unfortunately, he could turn out to be the Richard Hatch of Survivor-Panama... Everyone wanted him out on day two, yet he's still there... When will these filthy humans learn?
	TRISH - Two words - BOR-ING! They gave her some courtesy camera time, but honestly, I could do without.


ANDREW - Jumping in Rupert's bed is the best decision he's made so far. He'll make it to the merger, and if Drake continues to piss Rupert off, I could see these two making it to the top. He'll never be the leader he believes himself to be though. I understand his reasoning for the "diplomacy" angle when he looted, but frankly, it just makes him look weak.
DARRAH - The ONLY screen time she got was when she was nekkid. I can deal with that (as long as she keeps her trap shut!)!
OSTEN - "Wait until it becomes a problem, then deal with it?" THEN DEAL WITH IT?!? Holy short sightedness, Batman! You are becoming more and more useless every week. OSTEN UNDIE WATCH: They're still there, defying the laws of physics. I don't know how he does it.
RYAN O - Cuddling up with Rupert... GOOD IDEA! Your tribe is USELESS!!! Now, if you can just make it to the merger....
TIJUANA - I'll admit I had a bit of the rum tonight, but I'm pretty sure I saw our beloved Tijuana making eyes at Rupert..... It's the skirt - just admit it.

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 4: Good thing I got to him before he got any harrier. As it is, I had to pick at least a hundred split ends from my choppers! Some nice meat though... tender and well fed. Didn't even need that rum chaser, but I took advantage of it anyway.	WEEK 1: A bit bitter. Definitely grisly. Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy. But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!! (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
	WEEK 2: THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY! If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on. As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.
	WEEK 3: NO MORE SCOUT TALK! WOO HOO!!! She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes. Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.