TONIGHT'S MENU SHAWN / OSTEN OOOH!  A DOUBLE DOWN!  Let me tell you, I feasted tonight!  Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger.  Both meats were nice and supple.  We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit.  It was a night to be seen...  (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)

WEEK 7 - HOLY REWARD CHALLENGE, BATMAN!

In what could possibly be THE BEST Survivor twist in history, this week's episode brought back all the previously cast off contestants to give them a chance to get back on the show.  And I must say they kicked EVERYONE'S ass!!  Now, I know you may be asking yourself... how did the outcasts come back, didn't the Dingo eat them?  Well, having had a few brushes with the law in the past, I made sure I covered my bases and hired some wiz kids from MIT to create cyborgs made to look identical to the Survivor's I've munched on.  How do you think that pathetic lot won?!  All by the miracle of modern technology...

For those pathetic fools who missed it, as a reward for destroying both Drake and Morgan, two of the previous cast offs will be returning to the game.  Of course, in true Mark Burnett fashion, we won't know who it is until next week....  Jerkoffs! 

Who do you think will get it?

THE DINGO DEDUCES

	CHRISTA - Didn't see much of our Christa this episode... Guess she's safe for a little while longer at least.
	JON - SLIPS UNDER THE RADAR ONCE AGAIN!  I'm going to start calling him Johnny Luckypants!!!  Dude, if he keeps this up, he just might win the whole thing.  And by the way, is it just me, or does he constantly look stoned?
	RUPERT - OOOH!  We finally get to see Rupert lose it!  And boy does he lose it!  DAY-UM!  That is one scary dude!  But he's still the coolest scary dude this side of the Equator!  And I'm still smitten with the big galute!
	SANDRA - She knows which side of her bread is buttered.  This girl is sticking with Rupert as long as she can!  Of course, her alliance with Christa COULD turn out to be stronger and bite Rupert in the ass... NAH!!!!!!
	SHAWN - HA!  Although I would have liked to see little Mr. Johnny Fairplay go, Shawn really was useless.  And ANNOYING!  I will miss his little spats with his arch enemy though...

ANDREW - Oh good lord!  You've lost your strongest man.  And who knows who you're going to get to replace him!  You best be praying for a merger PRONTO!
DARRAH - PEOPLE PEOPLE PEOPLE!  She's wasting away!!!  Vote her out while there's a chance that I might get a decent SNACK out of her!!!!!!
OSTEN - YOU CHICKENSHIT!  Don't even pretend you're being a martyr!  YOU'RE A FREAKIN' QUITTER!!!!!  QUITTER!!! QUITTER!!! QUITTER!!!! OSTEN UNDIE WATCH:  Admit it.  The only reason you quit was because those suckers weren't going to make it another day!
RYAN O - You had a stingray...  right there in your hands... and you lose it.  Nice move.
TIJUANA - Our girl has her eyes on the leadership... watch out, Andrew!  She's been the welcome wagon for every pillager yet!

THE BUFFET

WEEK 4:  BURTON Good thing I got to him before he got any harrier.  As it is, I had to pick at least a hundred split ends from my choppers!  Some nice meat though... tender and well fed.  Didn't even need that rum chaser, but I took advantage of it anyway.	WEEK 1:  NICOLE  A bit bitter.  Definitely grisly.  Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy.  But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!!  (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
Week 5: MICHELLE I'm the first to admit, this was an unexpected meal, but not too bad.  Unfortunately, she still had all those fish guts in her stomach, so I had to steer clear of that particular area... but all in all, a very average meal.	WEEK 2: RYAN THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY!  If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on.  As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.
WEEK 6:  TRISH An okay interim meal.  Not too fatty... not too lean.  Very bitter though, and quite flavorless.  Luckily her belly was still full of the surf and turf, so there was SOME sustenance there.	WEEK 3: LIL NO MORE SCOUT TALK!  WOO HOO!!!  She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes.  Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.

NEXT WEEK:  DRAKE LOSES IT AGAIN!

PAST EPISODES:
The Dingo is Back!
Get to know the Contestants!
Week 1:  Hanging in the Wind
Week 2:  Kissing the Spear
Week 3:  Morgan Who?
Week 4:  Throwing the Poor Morgan a Bone
Week 5:  This Just In - Rupert, a God Among Men
Week 6:  Stupid is as Stupid Does

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work...  Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars.  Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council."  As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond.  That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting.  Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website.  I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers.  Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

Or, you can leave a message at the Dingo's Den interactive message board. 

Don't forget to watch Survivor every Thursday on CBS!

Want to add a link?  Contact the dingo's FILTHY HUMAN ASSISTANT

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page.  There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.