TONIGHT'S MENU ANDREW They called him "Savage."  Well, all I can say is I SAVAGELY tore into that luscious flesh!  Though he was merely half the man as when he started, there was still enough fit, trim meat in there to service a small romantic BBQ. (Probst came over for a few drinks last night...)

WEEK 8 - THE MERGE

Mark Burnett doesn't disappoint.  Just when you thought we had the big twist - BOOM!  Time for the merge!

But first things first...  Last week, in an unexpected twist, TWO contestants were voted off, while TWO previously kicked off members were voted back in.  The Dingo held a pole, asking his faithful and adoring fans who would be voted back on the show.  I must say, this audience is smarter than the average bear (and tastier too, I'd suspect.)  Here were the results:

Since the two new tribe members had immunity for their first Tribal Council, noone expected the merge.  But here we are... and they named the tribe after Rupert's dead snake... how quaint.  

THE DINGO DEDUCES

	CHRISTA -  She's scary when she holds a machette.....
	JON - I have NO IDEA how this guy escapes tribal council EACH AND EVERY TIME!!!!  Everyone hates him.  EVERYONE!  Didn't they watch Survivor 1?!?!?!  Don't let him Richard Hatch that million buck-a-roos right out of Rupert's hands, people!!!!
	RUPERT - He's just a big 'ole Forgive and Forget kinda guy, ain't he?
	SANDRA - Did NOT want to see Burton...  She faked it good though.  And gloating about your full tummy at the challenge. You just had to, didn't ya?
	CYBORG BURTON - At first I thought you were the stupidest human on earth when you went after that immunity challenge so hard (having immunity already and all), but when you gave it to Rupert... Well, all I can say is those MIT students really earned their keep.  You now have the respect of EVERY tribe member.  Way to make a comeback, my boy.
	ANDREW - You were the only thing that was keeping Morgan afloat.  Too bad that was your downfall.   Goodbye, Brain.  Pinky will miss you.
	DARRAH - Sweetie hasn't eaten in DAYS!  I don't want to see her tomorrow morning after that feast....
	CYBORG LIL - NOOOOOO!!!!! NOT THE SCOUT MASTER!!!!  I mean, she looks like a five year old kid who just got her hand slapped for trying to touch the stove!  Whimper whimper...  GOOD LORD!
	RYAN O - So wishy washy... so generic...  do boring, but still pretty.
	TIJUANA - Even the welcome wagon when you're getting a loser back.  Hey, at least your consistant.

THE BUFFET

WEEK 4:  BURTON Good thing I got to him before he got any harrier.  As it is, I had to pick at least a hundred split ends from my choppers!  Some nice meat though... tender and well fed.  Didn't even need that rum chaser, but I took advantage of it anyway.	WEEK 1:  NICOLE  A bit bitter.  Definitely grisly.  Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy.  But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!!  (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
Week 5: MICHELLE I'm the first to admit, this was an unexpected meal, but not too bad.  Unfortunately, she still had all those fish guts in her stomach, so I had to steer clear of that particular area... but all in all, a very average meal.	WEEK 2: RYAN THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY!  If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on.  As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.
WEEK 6:  TRISH An okay interim meal.  Not too fatty... not too lean.  Very bitter though, and quite flavorless.  Luckily her belly was still full of the surf and turf, so there was SOME sustenance there.	WEEK 3: LIL NO MORE SCOUT TALK!  WOO HOO!!!  She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes.  Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.
WEEK 7:  SHAWN OOOH!  A DOUBLE DOWN!  Let me tell you, I feasted tonight!  Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger.  Both meats were nice and supple.  We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit.  It was a night to be seen...  (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)	WEEK 7:  OSTEN OOOH!  A DOUBLE DOWN!  Let me tell you, I feasted tonight!  Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger.  Both meats were nice and supple.  We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit.  It was a night to be seen...  (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)

NEXT WEEK:  THE FOOD FIGHTS BACK!

PAST EPISODES:
The Dingo is Back!
Get to know the Contestants!
Week 1:  Hanging in the Wind
Week 2:  Kissing the Spear
Week 3:  Morgan Who?
Week 4:  Throwing the Poor Morgan a Bone
Week 5:  This Just In - Rupert, a God Among Men
Week 6:  Stupid is as Stupid Does
Week 7:  Holy Reward Challenge, Batman!

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work...  Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars.  Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council."  As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond.  That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting.  Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website.  I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers.  Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

Or, you can leave a message at the Dingo's Den interactive message board. 

Don't forget to watch Survivor every Thursday on CBS!

Want to add a link?  Contact the dingo's FILTHY HUMAN ASSISTANT

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page.  There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings.  If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.