Durango the Deranged Dingo pres. Survivor Pearl Island

The first week of real scheming! I must say, at first I wasn't to keen on the whole "let's bring a couple losers back" idea, but it's really shaken things up... especially since they merged right away... Why do I ever question that wacky Burnett guy?

Well, this was the first week where Rupert really seemed to be in danger. We all knew it would happen. He's OBVIOUSLY the Ultimate Survivor. Let's just hope that Jon's annoying existence FINALLY grates on everyone's last nerve and they all get distracted for awhile.


	CHRISTA - That dog can't shoot! What was that PATHETIC performance in the reward challenge? Remind me not to go hunting with her.... And it's good to see she's in touch her that inner bitch. In fact, I'd venture to guess they're REAL close!
	JON - Back and forth... back and forth... You ARE going to Richard Hatch your way into the million bucks, aren't you? You sneaky little twit!
	RUPERT - Okay... he's just too good to be true... giving his breakfast reward to Burton? Interesting strategy, my friend.... But may I suggest you let Christa introduce you to that inner bitch thing. HON! You gotta start playing it down! Everyone is starting to notice you're a GOD!
	SANDRA - Playing it close to the chest.... THAT'S my girl! I vote Sandra and Rupert as the final two!
	CYBORG BURTON - Those MIT guys may have gone a bit too far with the new Burton... Hairy little schemer!
	DARRAH - OOOOOH! Do I see a catfight brewing between our Darrah and little Miss Christa? Don't let me stand in your way, ladies!
	CYBORG LIL - Is it just me, or does this woman have "PAWN" written in bright red sharpie across her forehead? GET A BACKBONE, WOMAN! Sheesh! "I'm willing to put everything that I have to put into what he (Burton) wants to do." WHAT-EV-ER!
	RYAN O - He's as big a whiner as Lil! They should just get married already!!! Too bad he'll have to wait for his lady in waiting. Pawns can be very useful for a time. But let's not overlook the fact you went out with a UNANIMOUS vote. That's gotta hurt...
	TIJUANA - I thought she was perky before, but get some food in this girl's stomach, and watch her light up even more! She's like a freakin' atomic CareBear.

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 4: BURTON Good thing I got to him before he got any harrier. As it is, I had to pick at least a hundred split ends from my choppers! Some nice meat though... tender and well fed. Didn't even need that rum chaser, but I took advantage of it anyway.	WEEK 1: NICOLE A bit bitter. Definitely grisly. Luckily she wasn't there long enough to get too sinewy. But don't think I didn't take advantage of that whole "massage therapist" thing before I sucked the marrow from her very bones!! (that was my attempt at pirate talk... how did I do?)
Week 5: MICHELLE I'm the first to admit, this was an unexpected meal, but not too bad. Unfortunately, she still had all those fish guts in her stomach, so I had to steer clear of that particular area... but all in all, a very average meal.	WEEK 2: RYAN THANK GOD I GOT HIM EARLY! If that boy lost one more pound, I'd have nothing but a pile of toothpicks to gnaw on. As it was, there was very little flavor and I had to douse him in some cheap Panamanian steak sauce just to choke him down.
WEEK 6: TRISH An okay interim meal. Not too fatty... not too lean. Very bitter though, and quite flavorless. Luckily her belly was still full of the surf and turf, so there was SOME sustenance there.	WEEK 3: LIL NO MORE SCOUT TALK! WOO HOO!!! She had a decent amount of meat on her, and a nice fat layer for flavoring, but she was a bit too sweet for my tastes. Nothing a little lime and a lot of rum couldn't cure though.
WEEK 7: SHAWN OOOH! A DOUBLE DOWN! Let me tell you, I feasted tonight! Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger. Both meats were nice and supple. We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit. It was a night to be seen... (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)	WEEK 7: OSTEN OOOH! A DOUBLE DOWN! Let me tell you, I feasted tonight! Was even feeling generous enough to invite the howler monkeys over for a kegger. Both meats were nice and supple. We did a nice marinade in coconut milk and had a slow roast on the spit. It was a night to be seen... (and anything those howler monkeys say is a damned lie!)
	Week 8: ANDREW They called him "Savage." Well, all I can say is I SAVAGELY tore into that luscious flesh! Though he was merely half the man as when he started, there was still enough fit, trim meat in there to service a small romantic BBQ. (Probst came over for a few drinks last night...)

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
I'm going to just go on the faith that he'll keep winning those immunity challenges! WIN RUPERT WIN!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT!!	The massacre will continue... With Darrah gone, there will only be two pesky Morgans left, and Lil has her uses... for now...