Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%.

As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.

That's right, boys and girls! It's finally here!!! SURVIVOR: ALL-STARS!!!! And can I say, Mr. Burnett didn't disappoint! There's more scheming, conniving, mosquitoes, nudity... This season promises to have it all. And judging by the premiere, it's not going to disappoint! There's a lot to cover, so let's say we get right down to it.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Okay, so everyone hates him. Like that matters. Sure, he's still using the same strategy. Whatever! GO RICHARD GO!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!	Jerri will show Rupert the way to betrayal... Already weak, Rudy will only hinder Saboga in the next challenge.

I gotta say, in the last poll, you guys did pretty all right... There were two questions... Who will win, and who's going next.


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): FIRE! A woman after my own heart. Good to see she didn't check the attitude at the gate. Keep it up, girl. You're either going all the way or be the first one out of this tribe. Either way, I still love ya!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Jumping at the first guy who offers an alliance. How typical.
	ROB C (Survivor 6: Amazon): Never make an alliance based on looks, me boy. It will always come back to bite you in the butt. Trust me on this one.
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): So we shouldn't trust anyone. Is that what you're saying? Crying about not sleeping? WAH! Haven't you done this before? You're trying awfully hard to be the leader, but that testosterone is getting in the way. So you want to take on Alicia as the leader? Good luck, sweets!
	SUE (Survivor 1: Pulau Tiga): Sue... Sue... Sue... We got it. You're trying the Richard Hatch alienation-we-can-always-vote-him-off-next-week strategy." Do you really think you can pull it off? But I gotta give you props for drinking that water. I don't see why everyone else was complaining. When are they going to learn a truck driver has a mac truck of a stomach!
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): WOW! You really turned down the annoyance factor. I'm impressed. But you still have the best quotes... "I've never heard so much crybaby tea sucking all my life."


ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): Still playing it low key. How exciting. I vote his hair as Ultimate Survivor.
JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Rupert and Jerri are in your league?! PA-LEASE GIRL!!!!!! Okay, you may have gotten them to vote your way, but that quivering lower lip in a little bitty tropical thunder storm... WEAKNESS! I can smell it from here.
JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): Will keeping your mouth shut really work out? Keep working on Rupert, hon. once you cut off the dead weight, you guys can go all the way! Beauty and the Beast!!! (NOTE: It's up to the viewers to determine who is who)
RUDY (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Always the tough guy. Another water drinker. He made a quick alliance with Rupert, probably the best choice, but with this troupe, your physicality will be key. I hope that old Navy Seal is up to it!
RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Still wearing a skirt. Thata boy! I see you making alliances... It's a good effort, but you're sticking with the weak again. Rudy isn't long for this game, and you're looking pretty tired. Focus on Jerri... She's a pretty good choice for the final two, if ya know what I'm sayin...
TINA (Survivor 2: Outback): Alliance of winners... will it work? Uh, apparently not. She said that she when she went out she'd go out with a casket full of experiences... I guess being both the winner of Survivor and the first voted off counts.


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): He's playing it quiet... as always. I imagine he'll rely on his physical prowess then turn to seduction. Ho hum... been there, done that.
	JENNA M (Survivor 6: Amazon): Immediately goes for the girl alliance. That's so obvious! Girl, just take off the swimsuit and show us what you're here for, cuz you're not here for long.
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Are you sure you want to hook up with Jenna? I mean, sure, she's won before, but that can be a liability.
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): Your personal grudge against Richard may come back to bite you in the ass... Well, see. Though I gotta say.... Lex as the voice of reason?! Oh boy, this tribe is in for a ride...
	RICHARD (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Doth mine eyes deceive me? Is Richard Hatch the only one not overtly scheming? (mind you, he's scheming all the time... just not overtly) All the while maintaining that ultimately unlikability we all know and love? Brilliant, my dear boy!! Brilliant! No one will expect you to play the exact same game again!!!
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): COME ON! You saw the first one, you KNEW Richard was going to get naked. Don't act so surprised.

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.