Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

JENNA M
Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!

The Insatiable Bugs from Outer Space! A shark killing more brutal than Mike's infamous "pig slaughter" from Survivor Outback! One wicked tropical storm! As if this episode didn't have enough to offer, they had to throw in the dead mother. As you all know by now, Jenna M left the show because she "had a feeling" her cancer stricken mother was taking a turn for the worse. Turns out it she wasn't pulling a Johnny Fairplay on us and was right. Her mother died soon after Jenna left the island. Kinda put a whole damper on the back-stabbing, Machiavellian, sorry excuses for human beings thing....

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Okay, so everyone hates him. Like that matters. Sure, he's still using the same strategy. Whatever! GO RICHARD GO!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!	Does anyone have a muzzle?

Well last week's poll never really got answered since there wasn't an immunity challenge, so let's keep it going, shall we?


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): So you were banished to "decorating duty" in the reward challenge. Don't let Rob get to you. You did much better than Hildi on Trading Spaces, and you didn't even have $1000. Who knew you had a girly side to ya?!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Flirting with Boston Rob was a strategy. Uh huh. Sure. Girl, we saw you drooling over those bulging muscles when he was rebuilding the hut. You get drunk... want a kiss... Sweets, wine doesn't lie. You're into him.
	ROB C (Survivor 6: Amazon): Can you be more useless?! The only thing keeping you here at this point is Sue's big mouth!
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): He's in construction. He's pretty much responsible for winning the reward challenge. He's THIS CLOSE to knocking boots with Amber. If only he could get rid of that god awful accent...
	SUE (Survivor 1: Pulau Tiga): Sweetie. Honey. Darlin'. You know we all loved the "dying in the desert" speech you gave Kelly in season one, but hon... you HAVE to tone it down at least until the merge! Put the cranky pills down now!
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): Okay... I'm getting that you don't like Sue too much... Am I right? I'm right, right?


ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): I understand you're worried about having a target on your back because you're a past winner, but do you really want to get into a pissing contest with Rupert? I mean, you haven't brought in a fish yet, big boy!
JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Once again boring and useless. Can we vote her off soon, please?
JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): "Rupert is a complete control freak." HELLO, POT! Kettle is on Line One! But I must say I'm happy to see the lovefest is over and you've finally heard back from that inner bitch of yours. I've missed her.
RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Rupe-Dog! Don't be so obsessive-compulsive! You're bringing in the food. That's enough for now, big guy. You stuck out like a sore thumb last time and that's why you got voted out. Don't make the same mistake twice!


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): Okay it's official. You're in love with Richard. Hey, you called him a stud! And did I see a wink in there?
	JENNA M (Survivor 6: Amazon): We're all very sorry for your loss. But if your mom was so sick, you shouldn't have been here in the first place.
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Trying to be a mom... how sweet. But you can't even cut up a frickin' shark! I don't even want to see you try to cook!
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): Don't you listen to your mom?! You never scratch a bug-bite! But I do have to say... trying to bribe the reward judge... Nice touch... That's my Lex!
	RICHARD (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): So he sees a shark. He abandons his spear to catch it bare handed. The shark, understandably, gets pissed and bites him in the arm, holding on for dear life. What does our favorite naked gay sociopath do? He continues to hold on to the shark until he can get to a rock and beat its brains out. Now I dare you to tell me Richard Hatch isn't the best Survivor EVER!
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): You pretend to be all concerned about Jenna, but I saw it in your eyes... you're excited! Just admit it! And by the way... A coconut phone? A coconut phone?! This isn't Gilligan's Island, sweetcakes! Lex may be cute and smart, but he ain't no Professor!

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.