Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

ROB C.
He was skinny the first time around and trust me, he hasn't gained any weight. Barely more than a morsel, this one. And not a very inspired taste either. Damn! That's two weeks in a row I go hungry!

This week we were witness to the "worst storm in Survivor history." Or so they said in the previews... I seem to remember one storm a couple season's back that washed away an entire camp. But that's neither here nor there is it? Thanks to Boston Rob, Chapera had the only shelter that survived and that gave them the strength to handedly win the reward challenge. But it wasn't enough to take one of the most grueling immunity challenges, this dingo has seen! How many times did Tom take a block in the head anyway?

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Okay, so everyone hates him. Like that matters. Sure, he's still using the same strategy. Whatever! GO RICHARD GO!!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!	Well they told us to expect a twist. I'm guessing with 14 players left, they'll be breaking up into two tribes, and as we all know, the squeaky wheel gets the grease!

Once again you, my faithful minions, proved I didn't make a mistake taking you under my wing. You chose Saboga to win the Immunity Challenge by a hefty 52%! Chapera and Mogo Mogo tied in second with 24% each. This week... well, I know you're all thinking it, so....


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): I'm worried that no one was talking to her about voting off Rob... Hold on there, girl. You haven't gotten your finger wagging in yet!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Just a little sex kitten, aren't you? A word of advice though... Don't be trusting that Boston Rob guy. Haven't you heard he's the most ruthless player not to win Survivor?
	ROB C (Survivor 6: Amazon): You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.
	*ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas):* Please don't let him read any more tree mail! PLEASE!!!! Not only is his voice annoying, I don't think he knows the meaning of cadence.
	SUE (Survivor 1: Pulau Tiga): Do I want to know where that monster bruise on her thigh came from? Couldn't keep your mouth shut in the immunity challenge and lost it for everyone. Sue... Sue... Sue... tsk.
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): A toilet on your head isn't a cool as a feather in your ass, but you have to work with what they give ya, right?


ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): You go through the storm of the century and nary a hair out of place. HOW DO YOU DO IT?!
JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): You tried being the mother to Jerri... Don't ever try to mother a drama queen... And did I see you tonguing that dead fish? Hey, that's Rupert's job!!
JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): You "almost" went mad? ALMOST?? I hate to break it to you, hon, but you went mad a VERY long time!
RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Well that shelter thing came back to bite you in the ass now didn't it? But you stepped up to the plate and rallied the troupes to build a new one. But sweets, how many times do I have to tell you, the lovable teddy bear is NOT going to work with this crowd!.


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): I still say you're a bit too obsessed with Richard's nudity....
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): What? Now you're a stand up? What's with all the wise-cracks?
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): I see you have your eye on Richard, me boy. Watch out. That naked evil bastard has been around that block before. Don't think he doesn't have a secret evil plan hidden under that kilt!
	RICHARD (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Spearing some eels... Again, this sounds dirty to me... Psst... From one cold heartless evil genius to another... start sabotaging the reward challenges. Lex really wants that rice!
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): She was all but invisible this week. Guess that means we can count on seeing her at the merge.

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.