Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

RICHARD
ME AND THE HOWLER MONKEYS ARE FEASTING TONIGHT!!!! Since I was never able to taste our favorite conniver the first time around, this meal proved to be a nice surprise. Lots of meat. A nice marbling. And strangely sweet... I don't know quite what to make of that...

We start with a parental warning, so you'd THINK we'd be in for something good! But for the life of me, I have no idea what they were talking about! Richard got naked, but that's nothing new... I blame Janet Jackson. Isn't everyone?

Well, Mogo Mogo had a crappy looking raft, but damn could she fly! It was no surprise that Saboga tanked... again, and the tribe was absorbed by the remaining tribe. So now the underdogs are even more under. Well, it's going to be interesting here on out...

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Unfortunately, I think we're going to have to listen to that voice for quite some time. He's crafty and he's strong.	Did you see the previews for next week? That mouth is going to get her into trouble!

Last week, I asked you if Boston Rob and Amber will actually knock boots. Though we didn't get to see it tonight, 57% of you think it's inevitable. Let's just hope the cameras are around when the dirty deed goes down.


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): I gotta give you props, girl. You sure do take Tom's creepy advances with nuthin' but class!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): How much more weight can this girl lose????? When she turns sideways she disappears!
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): DAMN BOY! Who knew you were so light on your feet? Guess walking on that rebar all day worked out for ya, didn't it?
	SUE (Survivor 1: Pulau Tiga): Peed on the raft? Nuthin but class! And ou're complaining about Tom?!
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): Alicia's gonna nail you with a sexual harassment suit. And dude... LAY OFF THE HOOCH! But I gotta say, for a drunkard, you have some nice balance.
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Let's just hope Chapera's open arm welcome is genuine, cuz you sure aren't shining this time around! It's tough to play with the big kids, isn't it?
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): You had complete control of who got voted off of Saboga? Are you delusional, woman?!


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): Master strategizer aren't you? Just out to dismantle Saboga, are you? I gotta give credit where credit is due... You out schemed the master schemer!
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Still relying on the boys to do all the hard work, huh? Well, at least you're conserving energy. Who knows, maybe your wacky strategy just might work!
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): Watch out for that Colby guy... he's pulling ahead.
	RICHARD (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Well, I guess that's the end of the nakedness... He was definitely outplayed on this one. But I gotta say, he took it well. He was so cute when he did his little dance of defeat over the tribal council bridge. And what was his reaction to getting voted off? "Oops." How can you not love this guy?
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): She's flying so far under the radar, I almost forgot she was even there!
	ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): Can you say trying to hard? A little bit of advise, my folically advantaged friend... Drop the deer in headlights look. It wreaks of weakness.
	JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): I'm not sure if the "I'm bitter about being rejected by an overrated cowboy" bit was a ruse or if she's just looking for Round Two of Colby Love.

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!

WEEK 4: ROB C (Amazon)You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.