Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

SUE
Ripped off again!!!! For the second time this season, a castaway ran away with her tail between her legs. Oh well. Can't say it's much of a loss. She tasted like shit last time. Looks like another howler monkey will have to take her place. Damn, I hate wasting howler monkeys...

Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is Survivor ALL STARS isn't it? What is with these people running away all over the place?!?! Tonight, Sue quit because she was overcome by Richard Hatch's penis. Sure, what he did was inappropriate, but he wasn't even in the game anymore! I chalk it up to jungle madness. On the bright side... I did get that prediction right...

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Unfortunately, I think we're going to have to listen to that voice for quite some time. He's crafty and he's strong.	I know most of the people you're with are despicable and boring, but if you don't find yourself a friend, you're ass is grass!

AH! I KNEW IT!!!! You admitted it!!!! By a (semi) overwhelming majority (54%), you admitted you'd miss our favorite naked molester!


	*ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback):* I know you were TRYING to help Sue, but hon, you need to concentrate your own place in the tribe. Pretty shaky ground, hon.
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): SOMEONE GIVE THIS GIRL A CRACKER! SHE'S DISAPPEARING!
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Getting cocky, aren't we? Listen sweets, not everyone is as conniving as you are. Quit giving everyone the third degree!
	SUE (Survivor 1: Pulau Tiga): You were threatened by a gay man rubbing up against you... HELLO! HE'S GAY! Besides. It was Richard. Would you expect anything less? Plus you admitted you just wanted to sue his lily white ass.
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): So now your the "Jungle Cat?" What the hell does that mean? And what was that little jig you were dancing? Please don't do that again...
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Jump into that provider roll... it's what you're good at. Get in your comfort zone. But I must remind you... NO ONE ELSE IS AS NICE AS YOU ARE!
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Hold on to whoever's coattails you can find, you useless ninny!


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): Uh oh... Shii Ann has set her sights on you, dear boy. Watch out. She's quite the conniver under that "fly under the radar" skin! The steak kabobs are more delectable... more delectable... more delectable than what?!?!?!?!?!
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Snuggling up into the power position... Do you really think you can handle it?
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): Almost a better fisherman than Richard! Trying to win over the girls... Smart move, boy. They're already pissed at Colby and Ethan is effectively useless right now...
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): Keep your eye on the cowboy...
	ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): Woulda' Coulda' Shoulda'! Holding back is not going to take that target off your chest hairboy!
	JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): Didn't you obsess about food last time around? And chocolate again! I've heard chocolate is an aphrodisiac. You're thinking about Colby again, aren't you?

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!
WEEK 5: RICHARD (Palau Tiga)ME AND THE HOWLER MONKEYS ARE FEASTING TONIGHT!!!! Since I was never able to taste our favorite conniver the first time around, this meal proved to be a nice surprise. Lots of meat. A nice marbling. And strangely sweet... I don't know quite what to make of that...

WEEK 4: ROB C (Amazon)You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.