Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

COLBY
Just as good the second time around! We quickly put this manly shrimp on the barbie and gave him a nice slow roasting. A few bottles of rum later, he was just perfect. Succulent and sweet. Tender and tasty. There ain't nuthin' that beats a good old Southern steak.

FINALLY we get to some good scheming. Though Chapera didn't face tribal council, they had enough scheming of their own, taking Kathy under their wing, getting her drunk, and pumping her for information with a big wide smile on their faces. On the other side at Mogo Mogo, Lex took over for Richard as King Machiavelli. This is what we tuned in for, people!

May I take a moment for a little rant... Every week, in a blatant sell out to big sponsors, Survivor has a "Push Through the Pain" segment where the audience gets to vote on who best "pushed through the pain" on the previous episode. This week you people chose Sue. HELLO!!! SHE QUIT!!!!! How the hell is that pushing through the pain???? Would it hurt for you to follow directions once in awhile?

Last week, a whopping 60% of you thought the rest of this mangy crowd has the chutzpah to stick it out. Jerri was the one voted most likely to run home to mommy at 9%. Oddly, Rupert was the only Survivor to get zero votes...


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): I've said it before and I'll say it again, ALICIA! GET YOURSELF A FREAKIN' ALLY ALREADY!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Proving once again just how useless you are... Just ban Rob already, will you?
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Psst... Rob... Even the other tribe has their eyes on you. You might want to knock it down a notch or two, hon. Let the spotlight fall on someone else for once. How long have you been on the island? And you can't even grow a full beard yet?
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): You were like a pimp in a whorehouse on that boat weren't you? Let's be honest, how much of that open bar was left once you were back on the island?
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): I find myself wondering exactly how weak the people on Survivor were? Maybe you just haven't had enough time to recoup, but Rupe-Dog seems to have lost his luster...
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): MY GOD HOW BIG IS YOUR MOUTH WOMAN?! I swear she shoved half that burger in her mouth in one bite!


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): Who saw that one coming? And teenage girls across the country wept.
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Oh, don't tell me you were buying Chapera's "she fits right in" crap? Too bad they don't let you have a dictionary on the island. Then maybe you could look up gullible.
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): LEX! Who knew you had it in ya? You must have been taking notes from Richard while everyone else was distracted by his big white ass.
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): Without Kathy's Wicked Witch of the West to your Wicked Witch of the East, you were kinda floatin' it alone, huh? You're finally the swing vote and you choose blast one through Captain America's shield. "You are underestimating my powers." DAMN RIGHT!
	ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): Are you even trying to play the game? You're sitting around, just waiting for them to pick you off. Where's that fighting spirit, boy? Are you a Survivor All Star or a Survivor All Wimp
	JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): Finally getting on everyone's nerves aren't ya? But you say you're easy going... You're just delusional aren't you? Well, you slid right by that tribal council by the skin of your teeth. Just hope you can hang on til the merge.

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!
WEEK 5: RICHARD (Palau Tiga)ME AND THE HOWLER MONKEYS ARE FEASTING TONIGHT!!!! Since I was never able to taste our favorite conniver the first time around, this meal proved to be a nice surprise. Lots of meat. A nice marbling. And strangely sweet... I don't know quite what to make of that...

WEEK 4: ROB C (Amazon)You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.
WEEK 6: SUE (Palau Tiga) Ripped off again!!!! For the second time this season, a castaway ran away with her tail between her legs. Oh well. Can't say it's much of a loss. She tasted like shit last time. Looks like another howler monkey will have to take her place. Damn, I hate wasting howler monkeys...

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Week 7 he proved he's got it in him. Let's just hope he doesn't get caught up in his own web.	I know most of the people you're with are despicable and boring, but if you don't find yourself a friend, you're ass is grass!