Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

TONIGHT'S MENU

ETHAN
A new fresh taste! Those soccer muscles proved to make for a very nice filet. A few flame roasted potatoes on the side and the ceremonial bottle of rum, and me and the howler monkeys had a rockin' good time tonight. No complaints here... except maybe the hair... kept getting stuck in my teeth.

And by the way, what is this "hero or the goat" thing they keep talking about... I blame Probst.

Next week we're in store for the obligatory "clips episode." Joy. Please forgive me if I take a few days off and head back to the Outback for some R&R.

THE DINGO'S WEEKLY POLL
85% of you said outcasts allready voted won't return for a second chance. HA! FOOLS!!!!

As for this week's poll... Well, seems Votations has a limit on how many answers you can get to your polls on a monthly basis and we've already ran out for this month. Good thing next week is a stupid recap, huh? Anyhoo, you're free from these annoying polls until April 1. THANKS VOTATIONS!

While we're here, why don't we visit an old poll. Rob admitted to "fooling around" with Amber. Let's face it... fooling around is to knocking boots as dingo is to dog. 57% of you thought they'd do the deed. Bet the rest of you 43% are feeling a might bit silly right now, aren't ya?


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): Are you gonna let Shii Ann just kick your ass like that? I expect a nice rivalry IF you make it to the merge!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Okay okay... so you can keep your balance on the spinning log. At least you weren't TOTALLY useless this time around. And by the way, thanks for shoving your tongue down Boston Rob's throat so we don't have hear him talk!
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): I knew you were cocky before, but DUDE! Do you really need to diss Rupert that way? Oh, and regarding Amber... "Her ass is smokin' too" - nuthin but class!
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): You were awful quiet this time around, boy...
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Okay, who gave Rupert the spear?! You know how he likes to kiss innanimate objects! Honestly, I think I saw him actually caressing it tonight...
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): STOP CHEWING YOUR NAILS!!!!!!!!!!!


	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Still got a foot in Chapera do you? I hope you took time during your second visit to scout out the stragglers. Psst... it's NOT Rob!
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): I respect that you were a stand-up guy and told Ethan he was going, but dude, ya kinda killed the suspense for us.
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): Maybe now that Colby's gone, everyone will forget your running under the radar...
	ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): HOW MANY FRIGGIN' DAYS DID YOU HAVE OUT THERE?! And you couldn't come up with ONE useless strategy during that entire time! I don't know how you managed to win the first time...
	JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): "I'm going to be evil right now..," RIGHT NOW??? RIGHT NOW??? When did you ever stop?

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!
WEEK 5: RICHARD (Palau Tiga)ME AND THE HOWLER MONKEYS ARE FEASTING TONIGHT!!!! Since I was never able to taste our favorite conniver the first time around, this meal proved to be a nice surprise. Lots of meat. A nice marbling. And strangely sweet... I don't know quite what to make of that...
WEEK 7: COLBY (Outback)Just as good the second time around! We quickly put this manly shrimp on the barbie and gave him a nice slow roasting. A few bottles of rum later, he was just perfect. Succulent and sweet. Tender and tasty. There ain't nuthin' that beats a good old Southern steak.

WEEK 4: ROB C (Amazon)You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.
WEEK 6: SUE (Palau Tiga) Ripped off again!!!! For the second time this season, a castaway ran away with her tail between her legs. Oh well. Can't say it's much of a loss. She tasted like shit last time. Looks like another howler monkey will have to take her place. Damn, I hate wasting howler monkeys...

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Week 7 he proved he's got it in him. Let's just hope he doesn't get caught up in his own web.	I know most of the people you're with are despicable and boring, but if you don't find yourself a friend, you're ass is grass!