Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

May I go on the record saying THIS SUCKS!!! We all know I'm inclined to take a wee bit 'o the rum from time to time... Mogo Mogo is now Chapera... Chapera is now Mogo Mogo... except Amber, she's still Chapera... How is a drunk dingo supposed to keep this all straight?! I think I need a drink...

So here's how things went down. At what was thought to be the "big merge," Burnett pulls what is supposed to be a shake-up instead. Everyone dropped their buffs and had to randomly pick out new ones. A cheep ploy to even out the tribes, but hey, it works. Turns out there must be a god or devil or something out there, because the tribes remained intact, but at opposite camps. Well mostly... Poor little Amber was the odd man out and joined Mogo Mogo as they became Chapera.

And then came the comedy. Chapera (now Mogo Mogo) returned to the old Mogo Mogo camp. Boy were THEY surprised! Mogo Mogo (now Chapera), on the other hand, were living it up in Rob's expertly engineered shelter. I wonder how long it will be before they ruin this camp too....


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): Where oh where is the finger-wagging-attitude-adjusting girl I know and love?! When did you become all soft and cuddly? I miss the old Alicia, I really do... But hey, you still look good, right? Let's all take a moment to ponder Alicia's abs.... Ahhhhhh.... That was nice.
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Awwww.... All of a sudden the romantic. I ain't buying it, Romeo. You're just pissed cuz you lost a cuddle buddy. Who are you going to "fool around" with now? Big Tom? I'll admit you're playing a good game, but dude, drop the Godfather act!!!
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): Awwwwww. Big Tom caught a fish. Isn't that sweet? What self respecting hillbilly doesn't know how to fucking fish?!
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Dude, you're kinda swimming solo out there... Chapera, er Mogo Mogo isn't going to be around forever. Time to actually START playing the game, my friend.
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Boring... Useless... Have I mentioned that you are boring and useless? Watching you and Amber share a meal was like.... zzzzzzzzzzz oh, sorry. Dozed off there.


	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): You're in the PERFECT position to play both tribes. You can have Jenna in the palm of your hand. I hope to god you can see that. If not... well you're going down with Shii Ann, my love.
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): QUIT TELLING PEOPLE YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE THEM OUT!!!! It really kills it for us, ya know? Now that that's off my chest... Was it really the wisest move to keep Amber around? You're kinda feeding into Rob's power. Sure, getting rid of her may have pissed him off, but it could have weakened him too... Getting rid of his biggest alliance... I don't know, Lex.... I guess time will tell.
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): If your tribe can't get it together soon... Well girl, all I'm saying is watch your back. Lex already thinks he can work Rob. Lex and Kathy are tight. And Kathy needs to keep Jenna to insure her good regards in Chapera, er Mogo Mogo (the majority of players, if you haven't noticed... We're getting down to numbers, hon)
	JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): AND THE ANGELS SANG DOWN FROM THE HEAVENS ABOVE. Dorothy's house has crash landed. Ding Dong the witch is dead!!! NAKED DESK DANCING FOR ALL!!!!!!!
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Who knew you had it in you? You must have been studying your boyfriend closely. I don't know how you managed to stay on in a foreign tribe without showing a DROP of personality. Of course, it helps that you had Jerri to point at. That was almost TOO easy. Still, gotta give this girl some props.

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!
WEEK 5: RICHARD (Palau Tiga)ME AND THE HOWLER MONKEYS ARE FEASTING TONIGHT!!!! Since I was never able to taste our favorite conniver the first time around, this meal proved to be a nice surprise. Lots of meat. A nice marbling. And strangely sweet... I don't know quite what to make of that...
WEEK 7: COLBY (Outback)Just as good the second time around! We quickly put this manly shrimp on the barbie and gave him a nice slow roasting. A few bottles of rum later, he was just perfect. Succulent and sweet. Tender and tasty. There ain't nuthin' that beats a good old Southern steak.
WEEK 8: ETHAN (Africa)A new fresh taste! Those soccer muscles proved to make for a very nice filet. A few flame roasted potatoes on the side and the ceremonial bottle of rum, and me and the howler monkeys had a rockin' good time tonight. No complaints here... except maybe the hair... kept getting stuck in my teeth.

WEEK 4: ROB C (Amazon)You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.
WEEK 6: SUE (Palau Tiga) Ripped off again!!!! For the second time this season, a castaway ran away with her tail between her legs. Oh well. Can't say it's much of a loss. She tasted like shit last time. Looks like another howler monkey will have to take her place. Damn, I hate wasting howler monkeys...

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
You're treading on thin ice, but I still have faith in you.	A dingo can dream.......