Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

AVAST, ME HARTIES!

I liked the pirate theme, and since we're still in Panama, I decided to keep it! Okay, Okay... I admit it... the chicks dig the eye patch.

Well, mates, are you ready for another action packed edition of Survivor? Get the popcorn, it's going to be a doozy.

Now I know what you're all thinking. How in the world can these people be back when yours truly has already devoured the delectable morsels. Well, I talked to my boys at MIT. The cyborgs they concocted last season were adequate, but not nearly tasty enough. Luckily, they had a fully operational, highly illegal, underground cloning laboratory. After a few rather frightening set-backs (don't ask), they were able to breed me brand spankin' new versions of the old Survivors. They assure me the taste will be even more succulent the second time around. I, of course, will be the judge of that.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT!!!
GET YOUR VOTES IN NOW, POLLING WILL BE CLOSED AT THE START OF THE SHOW!

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
We all know it probably won't happen, but I'm holding out hope until Probst puts his torch out.	Tom and Susan will really slow down the Chapera tribe in the first challenge. Sue can hold her own, but Tom is just annoying enough to put off the youn'uns.

Once again, we find ourselves in Panama, which means I didn't have to pick up roots. Just been hanging here with the howler monkeys sipping rum while I've waited for the impending arrival.

In a shear stroke of genius, our favorite diabolical television producer, Mark Burnett, has decided to bring back some of the favorites from past Survivors to outwit, outplay, and outlast once again. Although Elisabeth and Colleen were too wimpy to accept the challenge, we will be graced with the likes of Richard and Rupert. Also, there will be 18 castaways and three tribes this time around.


	ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback): Our girl was NOT happy to go the last time around. With a wicked temper and a strong attitude, she has a good chance to go all the way this time. She'll be joined by former tribemate, Amber, but don't look for those two to get close any time soon.
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): I can not for the life of me figure out what she is doing here. It's got to be the swimsuit factor. She was boring before, expect her to be boring again. Hopefully she'll be eliminated before she loses too much weight. I hate for a good meal to be wasted.
	ROB C (Survivor 6: Amazon): So he made it to the final four... big deal when you're up against one of the most boring group of castaways in Survivor history. He's going to have a tough time holding up to these heavyweights, but if he keeps his mouth shut and his head down, he may make it to the end again.
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): Boston Rob... I swear to God, Burnett gets a sick thrill out of putting at least one fingernails-on-the-chalkboard voice on every friggin' show! For the love of Pete, get rid of him early so I don't have to listen to him talk for too terribly long!
	SUE (Survivor 1: Pulau Tiga): Ahhhh... Who could forget Sue and her "dieing in the desert" speech? This is one tough broad. She's going to make minced meat out of those young'uns. She'll be there until the merger at least. Is it too much to hope to see Sue and Richard in the final four once again?
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): Just a good 'ole boy... Never meanin' no harm... What can we say about Tom? He's wacky. He's funny. He's slightly annoying. But I think he'll get along fine with this tribe. Now after the merger, that's a whole 'nother Oprah... Tom best be watching his back.

THE DINGO'S TAKE ON CHAPERA:
Some very strong personalities here... I see Sue, Tom, and Alicia forming a quick alliance. If Rob, Rob, and Amber can quit preening long enough to get their shit together, we may have a strong inner-tribe competition. Another interesting tidbit... this is the only tribe on Survivor All-Stars not to include a past winner as a tribe member.


	ETHAN (Survivor 3: Africa): The hair is back! He won in Africa and is so inoffensive in every way, he'll breeze on through to the merger. The one thing he has going against him is that he won once before and tribemates may not want to hand over another million dollar check.
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): The token bathing suit choice for Saboga. She barely made it to the Jury last time, I don't expect her to make it this time. Useless. Simply useless.
	JERRI (Survivor 2: Outback): Our favorite Survivor bitch. But she's been working so hard on losing that title over the last few years, she may over compensate with the new "Nice Jerri" and get run over early. Hopefully a few days starving in the jungle will get her back in touch with that inner bitch we all know and love.
	RUDY (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): Okay, he's 76 this time around, making him the oldest Survivor in history - AGAIN. Hopefully those old bones will hold out until the merger. I can't wait to see a Rudy/Richard reunion!
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Quite possibly the most popular Survivor in all of Survivordom. He has a heart of gold and the strength of ten men, and he's not afraid to wear a skirt! Hopefully he's taken his time off to re-work his mental game. Maybe Jerri can give him some backstabbing tips.
	TINA (Survivor 2: Outback): Another past winner. And saccharine sweet too. But all these people have seen your clever "mom" ruse before, Tina! Watch your back! Jerri is lurking.

THE DINGO'S TAKE ON SABOGA:
This is going to be the "feel good" tribe, I can just tell. Well, they have the strength of Rupert, who single-handedly won many a challenge for his tribe last time around, but we must remember, Rudy IS pushing 80 and Tina is no spring chicken! Rupert is a Superman, but he's not a miracle worker.


	COLBY (Survivor 2: Outback): America's favorite cowboy. Jenna and Shii Ann are going to be ALL OVER our boy. But I'm not so sure how he's going to stack up against Richard Hatch... And I'm not sure I could endure another Tina/Colby alliance, so one of them better go before the merger!
	JENNA M (Survivor 6: Amazon): Come on, we all know they brought her back hoping she'd get naked again! We have to have SOMETHING to distract us from Richard's big white ass! Oh, and she won Survivor:Amazon. Big deal.
	KATHY (Survivor 4: Marquesas): She's willing to pee on a tribemate in an emergency. If nothing else, she's unpredictable! I have a feeling she and Richard will get along just fine!
	LEX (Survivor 3: Africa): Tattoos and piercings, Lex always brings the fun!
	RICHARD (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): The very first Sole Survivor. Our favorite gay naked Machiavellian mastermind! They say he can't do it again, but then again, they didn't think he could do it the first time...
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): They had to get SOMEBODY from Survivor: Thailand... might as well be her. She is a good schemer though. Maybe she and Richard can hook up.

THE DINGO'S TAKE ON MOGO MOGO:
First off, what is up with the tribe name? Mogo Mogo? Whatever. Well, this looks like it will be the most volatile group. Definitely a lot of competing personalities. Expect infighting from the start and scheming galore. Poor Colby DoRight doesn't have a chance.

Saboga will be an early strength, but with so many evil conniving people in such close proximity of each other, this Survivor promises to be one of the most dynamic and entertaining ever!

Well, that does it for now. I'm off to find some more rum. Those howler monkeys are greedy little buggers. Join me on February 1st when the real party begins!

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.