Durango The Deranged Dingo presents Survivor All Stars!

Okay, forgive me if I'm wrong, but this IS "All-Star" Survivors, isn't it? Do these people not see what's happening? Does anyone actually think he's telling THEM the truth?!?! And the ONE time he loses immunity, do you take your chance and drop the kingpin?! NOOOOOOOOOO!


	*ALICIA (Survivor 2: Outback):* I hate to say "I told you so," but honey... ALLIANCES ARE KEY!!!! You were hanging solo out there. Frankly, I'm surprised you lasted this long. You ARE a world class fitness guru, aren't you? Is there ANY reason you didn't win a SINGLE challenge?
	ROB M (Survivor 4: Marquesas): I don't know how you keep doing it. Maybe you do deserve to win after all.
	TOM (Survivor 3: Africa): Are you seeing your standing deteriorating, Tommy me boy? Shii Ann could really use some help right now and Rupert and Jenna could be swayed with some simple country charm.... Just something to think about while you're lusting after Rupert's beer.
	RUPERT (Survivor 7: Pearl Islands): Finally showing some balls in the "pecking order" reward challenge. I'm glad to see you're siding with the bad boys, getting rid of that sugary coating, but, sweets, QUIT FOLLOWING ROB!!! He's gonna screw you and not even buy you dinner!
	JENNA L (Survivor 1: Palau Tiga): You best be looking for a backup alliance rather than relying on Rob and Amber. Those two can kick you and Rupert's ass in an immunity, you skinny, useless twit!
	SHII ANN (Survivor 5: Thailand): You pulled that immunity out of your butt when you needed to. WAY TO GO GIRL! But here's a wee bit of advice... when you're on the chopping block, it might behoove you not to alienate EVERYONE on the tribe.
	AMBER (Survivor 2: Outback): Why are you reminding me of Marie Antoinette?

**THE BUFFET**

WEEK 1: TINA (Outback) Never got to taste this one before. Who'da thunk a previous winner would have gone first? Well, YOU apparently! Tina won my weekly poll by a whopping 21%. As expected, she was saccharine sweet. Normally, I like my desert a little later in the night, but who am I to argue? Not being one to ignore a moment of celebration, I doused the first feast in a marinade of rum and I shared a nice flambé with the howler monkeys.
WEEK 2: RUDY (Palau Tiga) No one wanted to see you go, sweetie. You were an inspiration to all. But let's face facts. You're an ornery old fart swimming with a bunch of young ruthless whipper-snappers. As expected, Rudy proved to be a tough sinewy morsel, but taste overcame texture. The rum wasn't even necessary. That's not to say I didn't have a swig or two myself during dinner....

WEEK 3: JENNA M (Amazon)Okay, now this is TOTALLY unfair! This is supposed to be a fun, feel-good, slightly off color, fun site! Did her mother really have to go off and die?! Oh well... I wouldn't have gotten to eat Jenna anyway since they whisked her off that beach. She didn't even get to pass by my secret lair next to Tribal Council. Since I was starving, I was forced to eat one of the Howler Monkeys. Sorry, Claude. We'll miss you. But you were mighty tasty!
WEEK 5: RICHARD (Palau Tiga)ME AND THE HOWLER MONKEYS ARE FEASTING TONIGHT!!!! Since I was never able to taste our favorite conniver the first time around, this meal proved to be a nice surprise. Lots of meat. A nice marbling. And strangely sweet... I don't know quite what to make of that...
WEEK 7: COLBY (Outback)Just as good the second time around! We quickly put this manly shrimp on the barbie and gave him a nice slow roasting. A few bottles of rum later, he was just perfect. Succulent and sweet. Tender and tasty. There ain't nuthin' that beats a good old Southern steak.
WEEK 8: ETHAN (Africa)A new fresh taste! Those soccer muscles proved to make for a very nice filet. A few flame roasted potatoes on the side and the ceremonial bottle of rum, and me and the howler monkeys had a rockin' good time tonight. No complaints here... except maybe the hair... kept getting stuck in my teeth.
WEEK 9: Jerri (Outback)NOPE! NOT GONNA DO IT!!! I got tricked into eating that "meat" last time around. I was yacking bitch for a week. I guess another howler monkey has to sacrifice himself for the greater good. I'm actually starting to like howler monkey. It's an acquired taste, but not too bad. (NOTE: Jerri was TECHNICALLY on Chapera when she got voted out, but let's try to keep the buffet organized, people)

WEEK 4: ROB C (Amazon)You wish Boston Rob and Amber the best of luck in getting laid?! Aw, come on. Just admit it. You wanted to watch. Well it looks like the Alliance of "Robs" was just a pie in the sky dream, huh? Oh, and you're gonna take being voted off as a sign of respect?! Okay. Whatever lets you sleep at night.
WEEK 6: SUE (Palau Tiga) Ripped off again!!!! For the second time this season, a castaway ran away with her tail between her legs. Oh well. Can't say it's much of a loss. She tasted like shit last time. Looks like another howler monkey will have to take her place. Damn, I hate wasting howler monkeys...

WEEK 10: LEX (Africa) Kinda sinewy, which is to be expected. The meat was nice, but it had been marinating in stupid juice for so long, you couldn't get to the real flavor.

- Past winners appearing on Survivor All-Stars were from Survivor 1, 2, 3, and 6.
- Chapera was the only tribe not to include a past winner as a member.
- Tina is the first Survivor in history to have the double honor of being both a winner and voted off first.

For those of you who have been unfortunate enough to miss the past exploits of the Dingo, let me explain how things work... Every Thursday at 8pm EST on CBS, filthy humans run around, making fools of themselves, as they compete for $1 million US dollars. Each week they are voted off in a silly ceremony tritely called "Tribal Council." As the loser of the group relinquishes his torch, he makes his way over a rickety bridge into the lonely darkness beyond. That's when I pounce on his scrawny ass and begin feasting. Each week I will provide you with a complete critique of the quality of the meat provided as well as some recipe suggestions right here on this lovely website. I may be a dingo, but I'm a 21st Century Dingo with a filthy human assistant.

And though I may be practically perfect in every way, I'm always anxious to hear from my devoted followers. Questions, comments, and general adulation may be sent to me at durangothederangeddingo@hotmail.com.

This is a private, unofficial, "Survivor" fan page. There is no association with CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. Views and claims held here are from my own fractured mind and in no way reflect or represent the views and/or claims of CBS, its affiliates, or company holdings. If you have a problem with what you see, do us all a favor and look up "humor," "satire," or "sarcasm" in the dictionary, conveniently located at a bookstore near you.

WHO WILL WIN	WHO'S NEXT
Okay, maybe if I predict he'll win, they'll all get their heads out of their asses and vote the bugger off!	Don't know if you'll be able to win immunity a second time. You best be scrambling for an alliance right quick!